When Someone Else Tells You What Comes Next There is something unsettling about being told what your future looks like. Perhaps it is because most of us know, deep down, that life is not nearly as predictable as we would like it to be. Yet when someone speaks with authority, it can be difficult not …
When Someone Else Tells You What Comes Next
There is something unsettling about being told what your future looks like.
Perhaps it is because most of us know, deep down, that life is not nearly as predictable as we would like it to be. Yet when someone speaks with authority, it can be difficult not to listen. A doctor. A teacher. A boss. A parent. A person we trust. Sometimes they are sharing expertise. Sometimes they are sharing opinion. In the moment, it can be hard to tell the difference.
I was thinking about this while talking with Carol Cooke. At 37, Carol was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. Like many people receiving life-changing news, she suddenly found herself facing a future she had never imagined. Alongside the diagnosis came assumptions about what life would now look like and what might no longer be possible.
Most of us have experienced some version of that moment, even if it had nothing to do with illness. Life changes course and, almost immediately, a story begins to form around it. Sometimes the story comes from other people. Sometimes it comes from our own fears. Either way, it can become surprisingly powerful.
The Trouble With Labels
The longer I spend listening to people’s stories, the more convinced I become that labels are both useful and dangerous.
They are useful because they help us understand something. A diagnosis can provide answers. A label can create access to support, treatment, community, or resources. There is value in naming things.
The danger begins when the label grows larger than the person carrying it.
Listening to Carol speak, it was clear that one of the most important shifts in her journey was learning that Multiple Sclerosis was part of her life without becoming the whole of her life. That sounds simple enough until you consider how often people become trapped inside identities they never intended to adopt.
A difficult season becomes the lens through which everything else is viewed. A disappointment begins to define what is possible. A mistake becomes evidence. A diagnosis becomes destiny.
Life is rarely that tidy.
Human beings are far more complicated than the labels attached to them, and most lives refuse to fit neatly inside a category.
The Things We Think We Know
One part of the conversation moved away from diagnosis and into the experience of living with an invisible illness. Carol spoke about being challenged for using a disability parking permit because she did not appear disabled to the people questioning her.
There is something deeply human in that story, and not in a flattering way.
Most of us like to think we are open-minded. Most of us believe we are fair. Yet human beings have an extraordinary ability to make judgments based on very little information. We see a small piece of someone’s life and instinctively begin filling in the gaps.
The challenge is that the gaps are often where the truth lives.
The person who appears rude may be exhausted. The person who seems distant may be grieving. The person who looks healthy may be managing pain that never leaves them. The person we have already categorised may be carrying a story that would completely change the way we see them if we knew it.
Perhaps this is one reason genuine conversation matters so much. The closer we move toward someone’s actual experience, the harder it becomes to reduce them to a stereotype.
People become more complicated up close.
That is not a problem. It is simply part of being human.
What Compassion Makes Possible
One of the most moving parts of Carol’s story was not about sport at all. It was about the Mega Swim and the scholarships that have helped people living with MS remain connected to the moments and relationships that matter most.
She shared the story of a scholarship that helped a woman attend her daughter’s wedding. It would be easy to dismiss that as a nice story and move on, but I think there is something worth paying attention to there.
When we talk about quality of life, we often speak in broad terms. We talk about health, wellbeing, opportunity, and independence. Yet much of life is actually lived in very ordinary moments. Sitting around a family table. Attending a wedding. Showing up for a birthday. Being present when something important happens.
Those moments are not ordinary to the people living them.
They are the threads that hold a life together.
Compassion does not always change a person’s circumstances. Sometimes it does something equally valuable. It helps them remain connected to the people and experiences that give those circumstances meaning.
Brew the Change
This week’s Brew the Change invitation asks us to pause before judging someone whose struggle we cannot see.
The challenge feels particularly relevant in a world that encourages quick opinions and instant conclusions. We are constantly being invited to decide what kind of person someone is based on a photograph, a headline, a comment, or a brief interaction.
Real life is rarely that simple.
The next time you find yourself making an assumption about someone, pause for a moment. Consider what might exist beyond what is immediately visible. Consider what you do not know. Consider the possibility that another person’s story is far more complex than it first appears.
Compassion often begins in that small space between certainty and curiosity.
Get in Touch with Us
We’d love to hear from you—share your thoughts or ask a question!
