Episode 11: More Than a Cane — Fiona Demark on Resilience, Choice, and Living Boldly

Some people see a white cane and think they understand the whole story.

In Episode 11 of Chocolate and Coffee Break, host Andrea Putting shares a powerful conversation with Fiona Demark—a woman who has been legally blind since birth, yet lives with a boldness that gently (and sometimes loudly) challenges what the world assumes is possible.

This is an episode about resilience, yes.
But it’s also about something even deeper:

being seen as a whole person.

“I’m Not Just a Blind Person”

Andrea begins with a heart-opening question:
When people look at you, what do you wish they would see?

Fiona’s answer lands with clarity.

When people notice her white cane, they often jump to an instant label—blind person—and that label comes with an entire set of assumptions: what she can do, what she can’t do, and what her life must look like.

But Fiona reminds us:
She’s not one thing.

She’s a mother, a wife, a friend, a professional, a business owner, and a human being with layers and complexity—just like everyone else.

And that’s where the episode begins: with a call to see beyond the box.

What It Means to Be Legally Blind

Fiona shares her medical story with honesty and humor. Growing up in far western New South Wales, the resources weren’t there. When her parents sought help in the late 70s and early 80s, the diagnosis was vague: a retinal disease likely to deteriorate.

Today Fiona estimates she has about 5% vision.

But what stands out most is her perspective:
being told early allowed her to adapt early—learning resilience not as a motivational quote, but as daily practice.

The Moment Someone Set the Bar Too Low

One of the most heartbreaking—and defining—moments arrives when Fiona recalls a family member saying, during her final school exams:

“We don’t understand why you’re so stressed. You’re not going to go anywhere and do anything anyway.”

It could have crushed her.

Instead, it sparked something stubborn and powerful.

Fiona describes it like a red flag waving in front of her:
“No. I’m going to prove you wrong.”

That moment became the catalyst. She finished her exams, got the marks, went to university, and used education as her ticket into a life she chose—rather than a life assigned by other people’s expectations.

And along the way, she names something important:
we often rise—or sink—to the level of expectation around us.

School, University, and the Myth That Blind People “Must Know Braille”

Fiona shares something many listeners won’t expect: she doesn’t read Braille—and she never learned as a child because, in her small town, there likely wasn’t anyone who could teach it.

So how did she get through?

• photocopied notes
• dictated exams
• note-takers at university
• textbooks on audio cassettes (including psychology—“great if you can’t sleep,” she jokes)

And then she says the line that sums up the modern world for disability access:

Technology has been a blessing.

Built-in accessibility—like on an iPhone—has transformed what independence can look like.

How to Respond to Blind People (Without Making it Weird)

Andrea asks a practical question:
How should people respond when they see someone who is blind—especially when children ask curious questions?

Fiona’s answer is compassionate and clear:

• Don’t shut kids down for asking. Curiosity isn’t disrespect.
• If it’s appropriate, invite the child to ask politely.
• Let the blind person explain in their own words.
• And most importantly: if you want to help, ask first.

Because what’s not helpful is grabbing someone and steering them without consent.

Fiona also laughs about how some parents dramatically pull their child away and create a huge “buffer zone,” as if she needs three meters of empty space around her.

She doesn’t need fear.
She needs awareness—and normal human respect.

Work, Bias, and Why Disability Still Gets Put in the “Too Hard Basket”

This is where the conversation gets real.

Fiona talks about employment and the uncomfortable truth:
people with disabilities are often underemployed—not because they lack skill, but because workplaces fear adjustments.

Even when organizations have policies and programs, the outcome often depends on the line manager doing the hiring.

And Fiona makes a sharp point:

People with disability don’t apply for jobs they can’t do.
They’ve already thought through the barriers before they even hit “submit.”

Fiona works within the Victorian government and does advocacy, but she also started her own business—professional speaking and coaching—because instead of waiting for a glass ceiling to crack, she chose another path.

Adventure, Freedom, and Being “In the Driver’s Seat”

Then the episode takes a turn that surprises a lot of people.

Andrea asks about Fiona driving at 160 km/h—and Fiona confirms: not on a public road.

She shares a powerful experience: a controlled track day with volunteer driving instructors and dual-control cars.

For Fiona, it wasn’t just about speed.

It was about the feeling of being in the driver’s seat—literally and metaphorically. Because not driving doesn’t just remove transport. It removes spontaneous freedom:

• popping to the shops
• taking kids to activities
• not always needing someone else to carry the load

And she names driving for what it is:
a privilege most people don’t realize they’re holding.

The Bravest Thing Might Be… Letting Yourself Breathe

Near the end, Andrea reads a short piece from Fiona’s website that feels like a gentle hand on the shoulder:

You are allowed to breathe.
You don’t have to hold it all together.
You don’t have to carry the weight of the world alone.
Give yourself permission to ask, to receive…
because letting others support you might just be the bravest thing you ever do.

Fiona responds with a line that could be the closing message of the entire show:

“The best things are done when you’re holding hands with other people.”

A Closing Challenge

This episode is an invitation to see differently:

• to let people define themselves
• to ask instead of assume
• to help without controlling
• to hold higher expectations
• and to remember that resilience often begins with one decision:

I’m not going to accept the box you built for me.

So grab your chocolate and coffee—and share it with someone you don’t yet understand.

Because understanding starts with listening.
And love gets louder when we do.

Find Fiona: FionaDemark.com.au
And as always: Let love be the loudest voice.